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Letter Writing In Grief
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Time to read 4 min
My Experience With Letter Writing For Grief
There’s a reason why the main theme around my grief journals revolve around letter writing. I’ve noticed that this can be a one off task in other journals, but I believe that the ongoing release of grief through writing letters to a loved one is a powerful tool. Our grief changes over time and acknowledging this in letters can help to embed these changes whilst being an act that helps us to keep an ongoing connection. For me, making time to sit and write is the closest thing I can get to spending time with my loved one. I’ve learnt over the years that when grief builds up to feel overwhelming (often in the lead up to special dates), taking this time (rather than pushing the feelings deep down) has been so important and usually gives a great sense of relief.
The amazing thing you will find over time too is that even using the same writing prompts over and over again, you will find that a different response and feelings will arise each time and this will later illustrate just how far you’ve come.
Letter writing offers a freedom that conversations often can not. When my baby died, I was completely overwhelmed with the feeling of having let my daughter down. It was my job as a Mum whilst carrying her to protect her. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t done anything wrong, my grief insisted on taking me to these dark places. Naturally, all those around me desperately did not want me to feel this way, so it wasn’t something I could openly express. I wrote a private letter to my daughter about this without having to worry about upsetting others and this was a freedom that talking just couldn’t offer me.
Write to your loved one to express love, regrets, gratitude, or simply update them on your life. If you’ve ever wished for one more conversation, one more chance to share your thoughts, writing a letter can give you that opportunity in a deeply personal and meaningful way.
Why Writing Letters to Lost Loved Ones Helps
Grief is complex, and we all navigate it differently. For some, talking about loss is comforting; for others, it feels too painful. Even when talking is comforting, there are still things (as mentioned above) that feel just too hard to speak out loud and writing can bridge that gap.
Here’s why letter writing can be such a healing practice:
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A Safe Space to Express Feelings
Grief is a rollercoaster of emotions - sadness, guilt, anger, even relief. Putting these feelings into words can help process them. Unlike conversations with others, there’s no fear of judgment or saying the ‘wrong’ thing. It’s just you and your thoughts. A Way to Keep the Connection Alive
Just because someone is gone doesn’t mean they stop being part of your life. Writing to them can help you maintain that bond, share milestones, or simply tell them you miss them.A Form of Emotional Release
Holding in emotions can be exhausting. Writing is a healthy outlet for those bottled-up feelings. When grief feels overwhelming, pouring your heart onto paper can be a huge relief.A Means to Find Closure
Sometimes, loss comes with unfinished business - things we wish we had said or done. A letter allows you to say those things, providing a sense of closure even when physical goodbyes weren’t possible.
How to Write a Letter to a Lost Loved One
There’s no right or wrong way to do this, but if you’re unsure where to start, here are some ideas:
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Set the Scene
Find a quiet, comfortable space where you can write without distractions. Some people like to light a candle, play soft music, or hold something that belonged to their loved one.
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Begin with a Greeting
Address your letter as if you were speaking directly to them:
“Dear Mum,”
“My dearest friend,”
“To my beloved partner,”
It makes the writing feel personal and real.
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Say What’s in Your Heart
Let your thoughts flow naturally. You might want to:
- Share how much you miss them
- Tell them about what’s happening in your life
- Express feelings you never got to share
- Talk about the impact they had on you
- Recall happy memories
- Say thank you, apologise, or just say “I love you”
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Be Honest and Open
Grief isn’t just about sadness - it’s about all the emotions tied to loss. If you feel angry or confused, write about that too. If you feel comforted by their memory, share that. Your letter is a space for truth.
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Close in a Way That Feels Right
You might want to end with a heartfelt goodbye, a promise to write again, or simply, “I love you, and I always will.”
What to Do with Your Letter
Once you’ve written your letter, choosing what to do with it can also bring comfort:
Keep it in your journal or a memory box as a private way to revisit your words.
Read it aloud - you may find some comfort in saying the words as if speaking directly to your loved one.
Leave it somewhere meaningful, like their resting place or a special place you shared.
Burn it or release it into water - some people find a symbolic release comforting.
Continue writing - you can make letter writing a regular ritual, to help you to feel connected over time.
Final Thoughts
Grief has no timeline, and healing looks different for everyone. Writing letters to a lost loved one isn’t about ‘moving on’ nor keeping yourself stuck in grief - it’s about making space for your emotions, keeping your loved one’s memory alive, and finding a way forward while holding them in your heart.
So, if you’re missing someone today, why not pick up a pen and write? Let your heart speak, and let the words bring comfort. Your loved one may not be able to write back, but in expressing yourself, you may just find that moment of peace you need to get through a tough day 💙
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