Gifts for Grief
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Time to read 10 min
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Time to read 10 min
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Navigating grief is deeply personal and overwhelming. When someone we care about is grieving, it’s natural to want to support them, but finding the right words or gestures that convey just how much we care can feel difficult.
My aim with this blog is to give you some thoughtful ideas and suggestions to help you show love, compassion, and understanding to those who are grieving.
Grief is full of contradictions. We may long for solitude but fear feeling isolated. We may appreciate offers of help but lack the energy to respond. We might want to be invited out but not feel ready to go out.
Grief is profoundly personal, and something that brings comfort to one person may not resonate with another. Because of this, there is no one size fits all when it comes to finding words or choosing a gift for grief.
Deciding what to write in a sympathy card will depend on whether you are writing a sympathy message for friend, colleague or family member; whether the loss is for a father, mother, a husband, wife or a child, and whether you’ve experienced a similar loss of a loved one yourself. The fact you are reading this blog already shows how much you care. Here are some tips to help you.
Are you naturally a ‘fixer’ and problem solver? If so, you bring amazing light, warmth and hope to so many situations, but here’s the thing; Grief is different to almost all other problems in that it absolutely can not be fixed. You can not make this feel better for them, and unfortunately, there is no bright side of grief to point towards no matter how much we want there to be.
With the absolute best of intentions, when you try to make something that can't be fixed feel better, it can inadvertently feel diminishing to the whirlwind of emotions being faced.
Keeping this in the forefront of your mind and speaking from your heart is always a good rule of thumb.
Here are a couple of examples to help:
It’s totally okay to admit you can’t fully understand their pain. If you haven’t experienced a similar loss yourself, avoid trying to draw comparisons to help them feel less alone. For example, comparing the loss of a pet to the loss of a child, whilst with the best intentions, might not bring the comfort you had hoped. You can show sympathy without empathy, and could say, “I can’t imagine how this must feel for you. I’m thinking of you so much”, which feels authentic and supportive at the same time.
A personal touch is lovely if possible. Sharing a memory of their loved one, saying their name, or acknowledging the enormity of their loss can help to feel seen and supported. Reading something like, “I remember how your mum always made me laugh with her jokes. She was always such a good laugh” would be so heartwarming.
One of the most valuable gifts that can be given whilst grieving is time. This doesn’t have to mean sitting with someone for hours, unless that’s what they have asked for; sometimes, small, practical acts of kindness can mean the most. You can show that you are there for them, without being intrusive. Rather than saying, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do”, you could take a more proactive approach. Offer to walk their dog, drop off a homemade meal, or help with the jobs they can’t face right now.
Saying, “I thought I’d take the dog for a walk tomorrow - no need to come to the door unless you feel like chatting” gives them the space to accept help without feeling pressured. Similarly, offering something as simple as, “I made extra lasagne and thought you might like it for dinner. I’ll leave it on your doorstep” shows care and that you are thinking of them.
Ask smaller questions rather than the bigger ones when asking how someone is feeling. “How are you?” can feel overwhelming and impossible to explain. You could ask how their morning has been, whether they’ve been sleeping well, or how a recent appointment went. These smaller, focused questions can make it easier to respond honestly.
You could suggest spending time together but keeping it low-pressure. Saying, “If you feel up to it, we could go for a walk” or, “I’d love to come over and watch a boxset with you if you fancy a bit of company” offers companionship without the expectation of entertaining or keeping up conversation.
Here's one of my favourite quotes when it comes to grief.
“When there is no bright side, let me sit with you in the dark”
Simply offering quiet, steady companionship without expectation or agenda, can be of great comfort when someone is feeling their lowest.
Beautiful flowers are a traditional gesture when someone is grieving and the first thing that spring to mind for a gift for grief, but they might not suit everyone. I speak from experience here, and wanted to try and explain how I felt, to show how each person’s experience can be so different.
Many people sent us flowers when our baby died, and I was incredibly grateful that people were thinking of us. But honestly, I really struggled with the flowers themselves.
This is quite hard to describe, but I’ll try my best. On the way home without our baby, the world suddenly felt very different. The colours were faded and everything literally looked and felt grey. Seeing all the people going about their daily lives after ours had completely shattered, made me feel like I wasn’t even on the same planet as them. It almost felt otherworldly.
That feeling of greyness lasted for a really long time and having our living room filled with beautiful flowers felt like such a stark contrast to how I was now seeing the world. Looking at them made the greyness around them, and inside me, feel all the sharper.
It somehow felt different at the funeral, it was so nice to see my baby's resting place decorated with beautiful blooms. But in the house… it’s hard to explain, but it felt completely out of place.
And then, the flowers gradually started to die. Each day, little-by-little, and I had to pick out the dead ones and throw them away. As I watched all the beauty of them wither away, it almost felt like another trauma and such a metaphor for what we’d already lost.
This isn’t to say that flowers are always a bad choice! It's just worth bearing in mind when choosing a gift for grief, as I have been surprised when talking about these feeling by how others have resonated with them.
Candles are a beautiful and comforting gift and I’ve always loved lighting a candle next to my baby’s photograph. Lighting a candle can serve as a quiet ritual, a way to honour the memory of a loved one, or simply a moment of peace. Even just sending a message saying, “I’ve lit a candle in memory of your dad tonight” can feel incredibly touching.
Sympathy gift baskets are a lovely way of putting together a care package. You can include items such as calming teas, small tokens like pocket hugs, forget-me-not seeds to plant in memory, or a handwritten card sharing a memory of their loved one. These gestures can be tailored exactly to what they like to show how well you know them.
Journaling is a tool not only for recording thoughts but also to process emotions, make sense of events, and to gradually work through the worst of times. Giving the gift of a grief journal can provide the opportunity to make sense of difficult feelings, release emotions that are too hard to speak out loud, and keep a connection with the loved one that has been lost through the act of writing letters to them.
I created my own ‘grief journals’ with this in mind. Taking what I have learned through my years of grieving and growing, I wanted to give those who are struggling with grief some simple prompts for moments of reflection, with an intention to build self-care practices over time. My beautifully designed hardback books make a particularly thoughtful sympathy gift for both men and women, offering a private way to process and find hope.
Grief is a process, and whilst it changes, it never truly goes away. While the world moves on, the pain of loss remains. It might be that an outpouring of support immediately after a loss is shown, but then it fades after the funeral. This can leave people who are grieving feeling alone and isolated.
To continue supporting someone over time, make a point of remembering important dates like birthdays or anniversaries. A simple message on these days can show that a loved one is still remembered. Sharing memories or revisiting stories about their loved one can also be incredibly comforting, helping to keep their memory alive.
Don’t stop inviting them to events or gatherings, even if they repeatedly decline. Knowing that they’re still included, and welcome helps to feel connected for whenever they feel ready. Let them know that there’s no pressure, and they can decide on the day.
Grief is a long and lonely journey, but small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness can make a difference along the way. Whether through words, gestures, or gifts, showing that you care will be appreciated more than you will ever know.
I have designed two journals, created especially with those who are struggling with grief in mind, each is perfect as a gift to yourself or to someone you care about.
My ‘Letters to.. ’ notebook range are beautiful personalised notebooks, available in 4 different designs. They are personalised on the front with a loved one’s name, and we offer a special option for our baby memorial notebook, where the stock footprint image shown can be replaced with the precious footprints taken at the hospital.
Inside the cover of each personalised grief book, is a poem written by myself. You can of course choose to use your own wording here; perhaps a different poem or a message to the recipient, making these notebooks an even more special keepsake.
The lined pages inside are blank ready to be filled with letters and thoughts to a loved one, in whichever way that brings comfort when needed. Each notebook includes a bookmark that links to a page with helpful writing prompts specifically for the days when a blank page feels a little overwhelming.
The ‘A Place in my heart - Guided Grief Journals’ are not personalised but are a little more structured in their design. They have been created as a self-care tool to help on the journey to finding the place in your heart where your loved one will forever live on.
I have created a version of my guided grief journal to help specifically for the loss of a precious baby too, with the wonderful support of bereavement midwife, Kelly Harris.
My gently guided grief journals feature:
This is not a workbook style journal, with exercises to complete as such; it's more gently designed to be something to reach for to bring comfort and help on the hardest of days.
I very much hope that this blog helps you to find a unique and comforting gift for grief, or the words to show just how much you care.