Gifts for Grief

Are you naturally a ‘fixer’ and problem solver? If so, you bring amazing light, warmth and hope to so many situations, but here’s the thing; Grief is different to almost all other problems in that it absolutely can not be fixed. You can not make this feel better for them, and unfortunately, there is no bright side of grief to point towards no matter how much we want there to be.

Keeping this in the forefront of your mind and speaking from your heart is always a good rule of thumb.

It’s totally okay to admit you can’t fully understand their pain. If you haven’t experienced a similar loss yourself, avoid trying to draw comparisons to help them feel less alone. For example, comparing the loss of a pet to the loss of a child, whilst with the best intentions, might not bring the comfort you had hoped. You can show sympathy without empathy, and could say, “I can’t imagine how this must feel for you. I’m thinking of you so much”, which feels authentic and supportive at the same time.

A personal touch is lovely if possible. Sharing a memory of their loved one, saying their name, or acknowledging the enormity of their loss can help to feel seen and supported. Reading something like, “I remember how your mum always made me laugh with her jokes. She was always such a good laugh” would be so heartwarming.

Ask smaller questions rather than the bigger ones when asking how someone is feeling. “How are you?” can feel overwhelming and impossible to explain. You could ask how their morning has been, whether they’ve been sleeping well, or how a recent appointment went. These smaller, focused questions can make it easier to respond honestly. 

You could suggest spending time together but keeping it low-pressure. Saying, “If you feel up to it, we could go for a walk” or, “I’d love to come over and watch a boxset with you if you fancy a bit of company” offers companionship without the expectation of entertaining or keeping up conversation.

Here's one of my favourite quotes when it comes to grief.

Simply offering quiet, steady companionship without expectation or agenda, can be of great comfort when someone is feeling their lowest. 

Many people sent us flowers when our baby died, and I was incredibly grateful that people were thinking of us. But honestly, I really struggled with the flowers themselves.

This is quite hard to describe, but I’ll try my best. On the way home without our baby, the world suddenly felt very different. The colours were faded and everything literally looked and felt grey. Seeing all the people going about their daily lives after ours had completely shattered, made me feel like I wasn’t even on the same planet as them. It almost felt otherworldly.

That feeling of greyness lasted for a really long time and having our living room filled with beautiful flowers felt like such a stark contrast to how I was now seeing the world. Looking at them made the greyness around them, and inside me, feel all the sharper.

It somehow felt different at the funeral, it was so nice to see my baby's resting place decorated with beautiful blooms. But in the house… it’s hard to explain, but it felt completely out of place. 

And then, the flowers gradually started to die. Each day, little-by-little, and I had to pick out the dead ones and throw them away. As I watched all the beauty of them wither away, it almost felt like another trauma and such a metaphor for what we’d already lost. 

This isn’t to say that flowers are always a bad choice! It's just worth bearing in mind when choosing a gift for grief, as I have been surprised when talking about these feeling by how others have resonated with them.

Sympathy gift baskets are a lovely way of putting together a care package. You can include items such as calming teas, small tokens like pocket hugs, forget-me-not seeds to plant in memory, or a handwritten card sharing a memory of their loved one. These gestures can be tailored exactly to what they like to show how well you know them. 

Don’t stop inviting them to events or gatherings, even if they repeatedly decline. Knowing that they’re still included, and welcome helps to feel connected for whenever they feel ready. Let them know that there’s no pressure, and they can decide on the day. 

Grief is a long and lonely journey, but small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness can make a difference along the way. Whether through words, gestures, or gifts, showing that you care will be appreciated more than you will ever know.

My ‘Letters to.. ’ notebook range are beautiful personalised notebooks, available in 4 different designs. They are personalised on the front with a loved one’s name, and we offer a special option for our baby memorial notebook, where the stock footprint image shown can be replaced with the precious footprints taken at the hospital. 

The ‘A Place in my heart - Guided Grief Journals’ are not personalised but are a little more structured in their design. They have been created as a self-care tool to help on the journey to finding the place in your heart where your loved one will forever live on. 

I have created a version of my guided grief journal to help specifically for the loss of a precious baby too, with the wonderful support of bereavement midwife, Kelly Harris.

This is not a workbook style journal, with exercises to complete as such; it's more gently designed to be something to reach for to bring comfort and help on the hardest of days.